The Annunciation
The bear in the driver鈥檚 seat wasn鈥檛 made of flesh or any other three-dimensional substance, but of light and color, like characters in animated cartoons. The car it drove had approached him from behind, pulled nearer to the sidewalk, and slowed to the pace of his walk. The bear was purple, except for its ears, nose and mitten-like hands, which were red, and as tall as a human, though plumper around the torso and neck. Holding its eyes fixed to the street directly ahead, it maintained the same slow speed just long enough for him to catch a glimpse of the only other passenger: a little girl in a yellow dress, her legs extending to a point just beyond the edge of the backseat, her toes up, one foot turned slightly inward. She was wearing blue and white high-tops; the colors were bright and clean, and because she was too young to walk on them, they hadn鈥檛 a trace of wear. When the car suddenly sped up and turned at the corner, he became angry and frightened. He woke then, with Nan鈥檚 hand on his chest.
鈥淵ou all right?鈥 she asked him. 鈥淵ou said something, kind of, and you were rocking back and forth.鈥
鈥淲hat did I say?鈥
鈥淚t was like a whole sentence, but it didn鈥檛 really have words, just sounds.鈥
It had been six days since the morning he sat beside Nan, lying on an examination table, and watched, on the screen of a sonogram monitor, a thin tube enter her belly, then come so close to the fetus inside her that the small hand actually reached toward it. 鈥淭hey do that,鈥 Dr. Gisse said, as he affixed a syringe to the end of the tube and withdrew a sample of amniotic fluid. A moment before that the sonographer, an unshaven man wearing a surgical cap, had been impatient with Nan who鈥檇 begun to shiver and cry. It was the kind of casually dramatic impatience meant to tell the person it is aimed at that they have made your day harder.
鈥淲hat鈥檚 your fucking problem?鈥 he said to the sonographer, in one angry breath.
鈥淛ohnny,鈥 Nan said, as if the man wasn鈥檛 there. 鈥淟ook,鈥 she nodded toward the screen.
鈥淭hey鈥檝e been through this once before,鈥 Dr. Gisse said to the man, who looked back at Johnny, but not at Nan鈥 having understood the unspoken portion of the statement鈥揳nd gave a nod that constituted an apology.
A nurse came in, labeled the vial of amniotic fluid and held it up to Nan. 鈥淵ou identify this as your name?鈥 The question was part of the same litigation prevention protocol they鈥檇 gone through the last time. Nan hesitated and the nurse looked at Johnny for help. Johnny lifted his gaze to the red-lit exit sign. Two of the four screws that held the plate with the letters to the frame of the fixture were missing and it tilted a degree or two downward to the right, revealing a thin dash of white light over the red I and T that made him think of the diacritical line that means a vowel should be pronounced as it is spoken when not inside a word.
鈥淢y last name is Wilk,鈥 Nan said. She鈥檇 kept her own name when they got married.
鈥淏ut on the chart it says Rizzotti,鈥 the nurse said. To Johnny the two missing screws seemed cognate with the sonographer鈥檚 lack of manners and unshaven cheeks. Ex-eyet, he said to himself, without even moving his lips. I鈥檓 ready to head for the ex-eyet.
鈥淲e use my husband鈥檚 plan,鈥 Nan explained.
The nurse pulled a strip of labels from the pocket of her smock.
鈥淭he post office,鈥 Nan said, then paused as she watched the nurse write her name on a label, peel it off the strip, and wrap it around the vial across the part with Johnny鈥檚 last name.
鈥淭he post office?鈥 the nurse asked her.
鈥淭he post office?鈥 Nan asked her back.
鈥淚 work there,鈥 Johnny said.
鈥淎nd it has the best medical plan,鈥 Nan said, 鈥渋n the whole damn country.鈥
The day after Dr. Gisse鈥檚 assistant called with the results鈥搉ormal, a girl鈥 they discussed how they鈥檇 announce the good news to the friends and relatives whom they hadn鈥檛 told about the pregnancy. Nearly all of their family, on both sides, lived at a distance, and Johnny and Nan had laid low during the last weeks prior to the amniocentesis, at which time she鈥檇 begun to show. The few friends and neighbors and coworkers who鈥檇 figured it out were sworn to secrecy. Two years ago, when they鈥檇 learned Nan was pregnant the first time, they told everyone, even strangers, and the most difficult part was untelling them, undoing what the world around them was still expecting to happen.
Since the day the at-home EPT test affirmed their second pregnancy Nan had kept the test wand in a Ziploc bag in her sock and underwear drawer, and so, the next afternoon, before she got home from work, Johnny set their huge volume of the works of Leonardo da Vinci on the living room floor, opened to the Annunciation they had seen at the Uffizi Gallery while on their honeymoon in Florence, and laid the wand across the space between the hand of the archangel Gabriel, with two fingers gently raised, and the serene yet startled eyes of the Virgin. Johnny then knelt over his composition with his thirty-five-millimeter camera, and from various angles and distances, and at slightly different foci, shot two rolls of color film.
Eight years before, when Nan led Johnny across the huge echoey, marble-walled room to the painting, she had said, improvising on an ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken, 鈥淲hen it comes to angels, nobody does wings like da Vinci.鈥 Johnny鈥檚 composition, reproduced as a postcard, would make a unique announcement, a revelation of the knowledge they had kept to themselves for more than four months.
The next day, on his lunch hour, Johnny picked up the two rolls at the one-hour photo counter at Rite Aid. He opened the envelopes in the checkout line and by the time he鈥檇 flipped halfway through the second stack of photos his anticipation had eroded to disappointment: the collage he had constructed, that had looked perfectly clear through the camera lens, was unrecognizable in the images he held before him. The flash had bounced off the page where it curved above the spine like a wave of parted hair, spilling a wide oval of white light across half the photograph and leaving the other half too dark to identify anything.
Later that afternoon, before Nan came home from school, he鈥檇 shoot another roll from different angles in the consistent, nonviolent light of the overhead lamp. Although the next batch didn鈥檛 come out much better, there were three shots in which all the component parts were identifiable. If you knew what an annunciation was, you would know this was one; the implausible object lying across the composition was recognizable as an EPT wand and, most importantly, the red line that bisected the positive box was clearly defined. It was time to show them to Nan, who had much more experience photographing art鈥搒he was a professor of art history at City University鈥揳nd get her advice for the final shoot. He left the three best ones face-up on the kitchen table to see how she鈥檇 react to them when she came home from work.
During the last two days they鈥檇 been granting entry to feelings they鈥檇 held at abeyance for months. They鈥檇 reached the top of a mountain so steep that the labor of climbing had kept them from taking notice of the scenery. Now they鈥檇 stroll down the other side, enjoy everything, let gravity do the work. 鈥淓ven so,鈥 Nan had said, thoughtfully, 鈥渋nnocence lost is never regained. And guess what?鈥 she had begun to laugh. 鈥淚 could give a shit less.鈥 That morning when he awoke, Nan was sitting up, leaning against the wall on her side of the bed, watching him sleep. 鈥淵ou know what I just realized?鈥 she said. 鈥淲e鈥檝e been pregnant more than nine months combined, and now, finally, we鈥檙e in control.鈥 Her exhilaration and certainty frightened him, but he was much too happy to be worried about anything. 鈥淣ow we鈥檙e in control,鈥 she repeated. 鈥淲e control the horizontal. Do do do do,鈥 she sang the first four notes of the theme from The Twilight Zone.
鈥淭hat鈥檚 the wrong show,鈥 he said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 The Outer Limits where they control the horizontal.鈥
She slid her hand under the blanket, gripped his penis. 鈥淎nd we certainly control the vertical.鈥
After they made love鈥搕he fifth time in two days鈥揘an laid the back of her head on Johnny鈥檚 stomach and slid her feet up the wall. 鈥淚鈥檓 telling you right now, there鈥檒l be none of that textbook-sentimental-story-to-tell-later crap. No cravings for ice cream or shrimp dumplings, no belly-hiding muumuus, no sudden mood swings, no sentimental platitudes, no storks on the birth announcement鈥 no fucking storks anywhere.鈥
Johnny was sitting in the living room, trying to read the paper, when he heard the door to the apartment open, then the sound of Nan鈥檚 footsteps crossing the kitchen, the clunk of her shoes, one after the other, hitting the floor, and the whoom of the bathroom door being pulled shut, followed by the clack of the door hook striking wood.
He walked into the kitchen. Her briefcase was on one of the chairs and a takeout bag with a widening grease blotch on its side was sitting on top of the photos. Johnny moved the bag across the table, and slid the photos to the side she would approach them from.
鈥淣ot a spot,鈥 Nan said, opening the bathroom door. 鈥淣ot a spot all day.鈥
She had been spotting since the fifth week of the pregnancy, and though they had reached the middle of the second trimester, it still hadn鈥檛 stopped. Dr. Gisse told them it probably wasn鈥檛 anything to be concerned about. He told them they worried too much about everything, 鈥淏ut don鈥檛 worry about worrying. That鈥檚 not unusual after what happened the last time.鈥 The last time, when the call came, they were sitting in front of the TV, watching Jeopardy, eating dinner. How could anything real happen at such a moment? The genetics counselor told them he waited until evening to make such calls, when both partners would most likely be at home: trisomy 21: Down鈥檚 syndrome: three of the twenty-first chromosome instead of two, forty-seven in total instead of forty-six: odd, two parents, two of everything: odd numbers are bad news in genetics. It would have been a boy.
Johnny took Nan鈥檚 briefcase off the chair and motioned, like a ma卯tre d鈥, for her to sit. 鈥淲hat do you think?鈥 he asked when she looked down at the three photographs. She picked one of them up but still said nothing.
He could no longer wait. 鈥淒a Vinci鈥檚 Annunciation. And that鈥檚 our EPT test.鈥
鈥淚 get it,鈥 she said, 鈥渂ut I didn鈥檛 get it fast enough.鈥
鈥淚 thought we could take a better shot, then make a postcard. Nan and Johnny have an announcement . . . 鈥
鈥淎t first I thought it was some kind of weird submarine,鈥 Nan said.
鈥淣ot in a better photograph. That鈥檚 where you come in.鈥
Nan started laughing. 鈥淚 like it. I like that you want to tell everybody. I do too.鈥
鈥淚 think it鈥檚 a work of art,鈥 Johnny said.
Nan opened the bag and began setting the takeout containers on the table. 鈥淚鈥檓 starved,鈥 she said. 鈥淎lthough the Virgin conceived in a very different manner than I did, I know this: as her belly got bigger, her appetite got bigger.鈥
鈥淢aybe it鈥檚 a good thing,鈥 Johnny said. 鈥淭hat it slowly reveals itself. I mean, that鈥檚 how art works, no?鈥
. . .